So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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