Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think I just sharted jello shots
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
