i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
