now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
