Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
