today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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