talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
