; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
