when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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