Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
