Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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