remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
then he tried to convert me to islam
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
