what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
