I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
