He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize