It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
