You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
