Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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