i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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