I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
