Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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