I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize