This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
