I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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