I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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