Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
