well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Randomize
