you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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