My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
