i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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