haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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