he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Randomize
