he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
