Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize