I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize