I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
