He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
