this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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