Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
