3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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