I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
