____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
