New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
