it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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