i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
