The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
