somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
