Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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