I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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