I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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