I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
