The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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