I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
