There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
