I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
