There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
