8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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