Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
