i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
