I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize