glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just had sex bonerless
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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