I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
